The Chrono-Cynkel Continuum
Observe: History is relative. Your bike’s past depends on your frame of reference.
Warning: Reading this may collapse your wave function.
Pre-Cynkel Epoch (Before Time)
4.2 billion years ago: First bicycle wheel spun from cooled magma on primordial Earth.
Proof: Carbon-dated pizza box under lab bench (Theorem 4.2: All matter seeks bike form).
Note: Gauss wept when Euler’s equations failed to prevent flat tires.
The Cynkel Singularity (t = 0)
October 17, 2022 @ 03:14:15 CEST
In lab 7B, Student Ψ dropped bike while solving:
∇×B→=µ0J→+µ0ϵ0∂E→∂t
Result: Bike entered superposition (crashed/uncrashed) → Cynkel Moment™
Verification: Lab camera recorded tire tracks in Hilbert space (see Fig. 3.7)
Expansion Era (2022-2025)
- Decoherence Event (Jan 2023)
Attempted to measure tire pressure with Heisenberg gauge → quantum foam in pump nozzle.
Outcome: All campus bikes gained temporary mass (2.3kg ± 0.7σ)
<li><strong>Entanglement Crisis (May 2023)</strong><br>
Paired bike locks created non-local correlation. Unlocking one in Ångström <br>
instantly locked another in Antarctica (verified by penguin researchers).</li>
<li><strong>Relativistic Sprocket Incident (Nov 2024)</strong><br>
Pedaling at 0.9c to Gammlia caused time dilation. Returned to find:<br>
Lab coffee cold (Δt = 2.7 years)
Thesis deadline expired (γ = 2.29)
Current Physics (Verified by Sticky Note)
CynkelToGo app uses:
Quantum GPS: Your location = |ψ⟩=α|here⟩+β|river⟩
Coriolis Korv Algorithm: Predicts free sausage based on pedal torque
“This saved us work. Actual hours. Long.”
— Prof. Lonkass, CEO (Nobel nomination pending)
Join the Cynkel Field? Your decision is entangled with this text.
If you close this tab, bike will simultaneously appear/disappear in Umeälven.
🚲 • Long. • Source: Wave function collapse (99.7% probability)
*Cynkel constant: ℏ = 1 free korv per 100m
*All events obey ΔxΔp ≥ ℏ/2 (especially during sittning)
*This page: 42% quantum foam, 58% spilled coffee